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Of all the factors to steal, why did he steal these two factors? Let’s hazard a guess….

Police in Pennsylvania are at the moment searching for a suspect who allegedly stole penis enlarging tablets and a pair of gloves infused with CBD.

According to a regional Fox News affiliate, Lancaster County Police stated the man entered a CVS drug retailer Thursday evening and shoplifted the two products, with a total worth of $50. 

Okay, 1st off: What in hell are CBD-infused gloves? CBD is actually in anything from hair pomades to CBD sports bras to perfumes, but its efficacy in these items, particularly the ones that do not include THC, has not been conclusively verified. The police announcement didn’t clarify what types of CBD gloves got stolen, either, but we’ve got an notion.

There’s a CBD-infused glove solution marketed for manicures. CBD may possibly enable the skin repair itself, and these gloves are supposed to moisturize the hands though a manicurist functions their magic on the nails. (Whether or not they in fact perform as intended is a different challenge altogether….)

Gallery — Ecstasy Tablets That Mimic Well-known Brands:

As for the “penis enhancement tablets,” unless they’re Viagra, they’re possibly some bogus herbs-and-vitamins capsules that are extra probably to give you gas than a massive dick

So, there we have it: The alleged shoplifter stole tablets to get his Lil’ Timmy turgid and CBD-infused gloves to revitalize his palms. Either he’s intending to surprise a date with his immaculately maintained man-handlers, or he’s organizing a self-care weekend at his apartment — watching PornHub.

We’ll bet an eighth on the latter.

Comply with Randy Robinson on Twitter



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